Face Eating Vampire Weasels

Well, I won’t beat about in the bushes.  Visitation to this blog has been less than spectacular. There have been weeks (weeks!) without a singe visitation!  Using what’s left of my scientific deductive mind I decided to dip into the WordPress tool chest and see what exactly is bringing those few brave souls who do partake in visitation. I discovered that there’s a list over which words and phrases were used in search engines to guide them here. Excellent idea, Brian! Let’s take a look:

 alien youth album cover  

crimson fart  

face eating weasels  

flesh torn open  

hot swedish blondes  

in the course of crimson king  

king crimson – court of the crimson king   

king crimson album cover   

king crimson album covers  

king crimson in the court of the crimson king  

milky way time travel vampire  

monica bellucci [hardcover]pictures

monica bellucci art  

monica bellucci book  

monica bellucci feet  

monica bellucci fully nude scene  

monica bellucci gif  

monica bellucci in stiletto heels  

monica bellucci nose  

monica bellucci quotes  

monica bellucci see through  

monica bellucci sexy legs  

monica bellucci smiling  

monica bellucci string  

monica bellucci style secrets  

monica bellucci tumblr  

monica bellucci up skirt  

monica bellucci water  

monica bellucci weight   

monica bellucci without make up  

people reflection in choppy water  

planet earth in milky way  

planet earth in milky way we are here  

psychedelic milky way  

tom-hanks-smile-  

vampires ripped my flesh  

wacky vamps  

weasel ripped my face 

weasel rippled my flesh  

weasels my face album cover  

weasels ripped my face  

weasel’s ripped my face  

weasel’s ripped my face album cover  

weasels ripped my flesh poster

you are here milky way poster   

 *

Well, that was certainly illuminating. See, what brings people to my author/book blog are the photos embedded in the posts. Nobody is looking for either me or Beauregarde the hognose snake. Nobody.

 So, did I learn anything from this exercise in futility? You betcha! My next book is going to feature Monica Bellucci’s face (and clothes)  being torn to shreds by vampire weasels. King Crimson (a shady monarch with flatulence issues) is the bastard who sicced the tubular vamps on her. It’s all going down in his court right here on planet Earth, which is, of course, located in the Milky Way.  There will be hot Swedish blondes (oh yeah!) and Tom Hanks will be dropping in for a cameo appearance, adding a bit of comedy relief.

Now this is how you write a successful novel!

Monica B., Slight Return

 

Btw: ‘monica bellucci feet’? That’s some weird shit to be Googling, whoever you are.

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13 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Garth on 27/01/2012 at 17:53

    It’s all part of the learning process: we are often merely talking to ourselves. I’ve been at this since 2006 and The Far Queue peaked at 60 visitors a day and now hovers around 30 – woohoo!

    Reply

    • I would be ecstatic with 30 visits a day. Hell, I’d be happy with 10. I have an art website that gets about sixty hits a week, which is probably about as good as it’s going to get. Admittedly it’s a fairly static site, so there is little incentive to return once you’ve gotten your dose. I guess the trick is to put enough time and effort into the blog so that people feel compelled to return for whatever it is you’re peddling. With all the competition out there, that’s a tall order.

      The problem is that most of the people visiting this blog are looking for Monica Bellucci.

      Reply

  2. Posted by Garth on 27/01/2012 at 21:19

    It’s tough – the only thing that keeps me going iis that I can’t stop writing – it’s my pressure relief valve. I refuse to play the game however, which is my biggest problem – I can’t go smoozing – if I comment somewhere it is because my interest has been piqued – too honest and uncompetetive I guess.
    I guess the trick is to forget to care as long as you have one person (other than yourself) reading your shit.
    btw – I did enjoy reading the three chapters you have put out here.

    Reply

    • That’s a good blog you got there. It has an integrity and no-punches-pulled aspect about it that appeals. Plus the great art and writing, of course. Btw – Your book list is pretty much my book list, right down to Pynchon, Ballard (The Unlimited Dream Company changed how I view literature), Brautigan, Catch 22 and most of the others you mention.
      Bolano’s 2666 is on my to-do list.

      Reply

  3. Definitely got my attention, saw the title on my blog roll and thought…’finally…Son has flipped his wig…this gotta be good’ and then I sadly upon clicking over, realised it was a trick to get traffic…feel sad now, no flesh eating vampire weasel integrity. I am a mere number, a mere blog statistic…sigh.

    BTW King Crimson is alive and surfing and told me to tell you that his court resides in the PSYCHEDELIC Milky Way, not the other one, that’s he’s NOT the bastard that sicced the tubular vamps on her (nor does he have crimson farts), it was a milky way time travel vampire creep with a Tom Hanks smile. (But not Tom Hanks of course who is a good guy,) just wanted to set the record straight for those hot swedish blondes who follow you about and may get the wrong impression of the Court of the Crimson King which is merely full of whacky vamps, not a sinister ones.

    Reply

    • I might have to write something about flesh eating vampire weasels just to justify your visit.
      My apologies to Mt. Crimson. And lastly, but importantly; just what is a ‘crimson fart’ and why would anyone want to Google it?

      Reply

  4. Well I have to confess it was your spaking comment that brought me over. Sorry to lower the tone. But perhaps King Crimson could be a follower of Freud who has a secret academic desire to cure Monica Belluci of her nueroses through therapeutic spankings and thus directly leading Monica towards a career as a well respected analyst ….. sorry think that one’s been taken. But keep the spanking nonetheless 🙂

    Reply

    • Oh boy, now that the word ‘spanking’ is here on my blog, I’ll probably be buried in a deluge of visits. Better yet, I’ll post a spanking picture; that’ll up my numbers. So … all I have to do now is write a post that would justify the picture …

      Reply

    • I’m assuming that is an oblique reference to Denture’s blog. Either that or your comment is a meta-allusion far beyond my deciphering abilities. Funny thing is that I don’t remember writing those posts. Um, maybe that’s not so funny after all.

      Reply

  5. Posted by Garth on 28/01/2012 at 22:24

    I’ll have whatever ^ and ^^ a’re having

    Reply

  6. Quite amusing! I see sarcasm and gore and entertainment all in one fell swoop! Should make for interesing reading–lol

    Reply

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